Interview with The Espada
by Thomas Bourne
Summary: What if a radio show interviewed random characters from various anime/manga? Well now, one does! Meet Allen, our fictional host. This week, he'll be interviewing the infamous Espada.
1. Espada 9

**Interview with The Espada: Part 1**

**Author's Note: I just randomly had this idea the other day. Yeah yeah, I'll get to it with more chapters for "It's not too complicated, you just don't get it" later. I should have chapter 8 and chapter 9 out by Tuesday, so long as school work doesn't bury me in that time frame. I'll have chapter 10 out at some later date I'll decide after 8 and 9 are out, and I'll have the special out at a later date too. I promise I'll have all those things up before the first week of June is over, and I promise I'll start the new arc in that story soon after. Until then, this is just to keep some of you entertained. This is basically a radio show with our fictional host, Allen! Oh yeah, I wrote this as a dialogue only, so don't expect much action other than talking, though some of the dialogue will hint at some stuff going on. **

Allen: Hello there, and welcome to another exciting radio show! This week, on Ultimate Interview, we'll be checking out the baddest of the bad, the evil doers of Bleach! The top 10 strongest Arrancar, the Espada! We'll be going in order from weakest to strongest! So, first up, is Aaronierro, Espada Number 9! Welcome!

Aaro: Pleased to…  
Nierro: Be here…

Allen: So, how is life as the weakest Espada?

Aaro: Technically..  
Nierro: Yammy is weakest…

Allen: Well, he is Espada Number 10, but don't forget that he can become Espada Number 0. We'll be interviewing him last.

Aaro: That's a…  
Nierro: Rip off…

Allen: Well, there are two skulls in your little glass container thing, and I can't tell which of you is Aaro and which one is Nierro. Mind pointing that out?

Aaro: We'll just…  
Nierro: Change to one person..

Allen: Ah, much better! You've taken the form of Kaien Shiba!

Aaronierro: This is much more convenient, eh?

Allen: Indeed it is! So again, tell me, how is it being the only Gillian on the team?

Aaronierro: Well, obviously it means I'm the best Gillian out there.

Allen: Yeah, but it also means you won't be getting any higher in the ranks.

Aaronierro: I'm a Gillian. I think this is the farthest I'm ever going to get.

Allen: So, your ability, Glutonneria, is the result of eating 30,000 hollows?

Aaronierro: Yeah, that sounds accurate.

Allen: So uhh…why are you weakest if you can use the powers of 30,000 different hollows?

Aaronierro: Because all of them were Gillian or weaker.

Allen: Oh, that explains it.

Aaronierro: Yep.

Allen: Do you like music?

Aaronierro: Technically I'm still two little skulls floating in a glass tube of liquid. I can't listen to music.

Allen: What's your favorite drink?

Aaronierro: I can't drink.

Allen: Favorite food?

Aaronierro: I can't eat.

Allen: Do you watch TV?

Aaronierro: There's no signal in Hueco Mundo.

Allen: Your life sounds like it sucks.

Aaronierro: It really does suck. I don't like it at all.

CRASH!

Yammy: HEY, AARONIERRO! YOUR TIME IS UP!

Aaronierro: What the hell do you mean? I thought I get 30 minutes!

Allen: Oh yeah, about that…You fell asleep for about 25 minutes before I could ask you anything…

Aaronierro: THAT'S STUPID! I DEMAND A REFUND!

Allen: Uhh…

Yammy: QUIT BITCHIN' AND GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!

Aaronierro: I CAN'T EVEN COOK!

Yammy: I SAID QUIT BITCHIN'!

Allen: That's all for now, see you guys next time!


	2. Espada 8

**Interview with The Espada: Part 2**

Allen: And here we are again. Now, we're interviewing Szayel Apporo Granz, Espada Number 8. So, how are you doing today, Szayel?

Granz: Do I have to be here? I'd rather be researching some specimens…

Allen: You're practically immortal, you can spare a few minutes.

Granz: No…I really can't..

Allen: Speaking of which, didn't you once refer to yourself as the perfect being? Mayuri beat you though. How did it feel to be standing there for a century?

Granz: It felt like shit, what do you think?

Allen: Did it suck that it took so long to die?

Granz: DUH!

Allen: And are you aware that you're being very OOC right now?

Granz: I basically stood in the same place immobile for 100 years as I waited for a blade to stab me. I think I can afford to be a bit out of character for once!

Allen: So, why do you have such a scrawny physique, and why do you look and dress like a woman? A very unattractive woman…

Granz: I look nothing like a woman!

Allen: That's debatable with that body of yours.

Granz: Is it the pink hair?

Allen: Well yeah, that's pretty gay of you.

Granz: Shut the hell up!

Allen: I'm just saying it the way it is, man. It's you who chose to have the gay hair and the girly body in the first place.

Granz: . . .

Granz: Can I end this session early?

Allen: Sure, just pay me the money I'd get for interviewing a loser like you for the remaining time I'd have on the air.

Allen: By the way, do you like chocolate?

Granz: Never tried it.

SMACK!

Granz: Did you just slap me?

Allen: Looks like it.

Granz: Oh hell no!

BOOM!

Granz: A…Aizen-Sama! What are you doing here?

Aizen: I'm sorry, Szayel Apporro, but if you attack Allen, I'm afraid that I won't be able to forgive you.

Allen: You heard the man.

Granz: Damn it…Yes Aizen-Sama..

Allen: Now have this tea, drink up sunny-boy!

Granz: Can I just leave?

Allen: Next question!

Granz: I'm out of here.

Allen: See ya, sissy boy!

Granz: …No really, I'm gone

Allen: Who are you trying to convince?

Granz: Yeah, I'm gone.

Allen: Nothing's stopping you.

Granz: I mean it, I'm gone.

Allen: The door is right there.

Granz: . . .

Allen: . . .

Granz: Can I have just one more minute on the air?

Allen: No.

SPLASH!

Granz: GAAHH! MY FACE…YOU SPLASHED HOT COFFEE ALL OVER MY FACE!

Allen: Oh suck it up, you Mary Sue!


	3. Espada 7

**Interview with The Espada: Part 3**

**Author's Note: Thank you ultima-owner and Jamisa27 for reviews. **

Allen: And here we are, again. Today, we're interviewing Zommari Leloux, Espada Number 7. Now, Zommari, how are you doing today?

Zommari: I'm fine, thank you.

Allen: Do you like being one of the low tier Espada?

Zommari: I would like to believe that whether I'm low tier or high tier, I'm still powerful since I'm an Espada.

Allen: So then how did you feel about losing to Captain Kuchiki?

Zommari: Ridiculous. Just shows how rotten Shinigami are.

Allen: How?

Zommari: He cheated with millions of blades.

Allen: To be fair, you cheated by trying to use his sister against him.

Zommari: Common war tactics.

Allen: He could fire that back at you.

Zommari: He's a maggot. End of story.

Allen: So why do you have those eyeballs all over you during Ressureccion?

Zommari: It makes me look angelic.

Allen: No, it just looks gross and weird.

Zommari: I think it looks cool.

Allen: And your entire lower half gets covered by that weird eyeball cocoon thing. Does that thing replace your penis, or do you just grow eyeballs down there too?

Zommari: I'm uncomfortable talking about this.

Allen: I'm just asking some honest questions here.

Zommari: Well…yes, my penis does disappear. But, it is very similar to angelic purposes, holiness, God has no sex.

Allen: Have you ever gone onto a website called iGod?

Zommari: No. I mainly use facebook when I'm online.

Allen: Well, it's an automated chat where you talk to God. And, according to God, he is male. He says a woman can't be running this show.

Zommari: That's bull.

Allen: And notice how we call him The Spirit King? Not the Spirit Queen? I'm thinking God's a guy.

Zommari: Well either way, soon Aizen-Sama will kill him and take his place.

Allen: Well, considering that the Zero Division exists, something tells me Aizen would kill screwed over.

Zommari: We've never seen the Zero Division.

Allen: And I've never seen a man with no penis.

Zommari: . . . . .

Allen: You want some tea?

Zommari: No thank you…

Allen: You sure?

Zommari: Yeah..

Allen: Coffee?

Zommari: No..really no thank you..

Allen: Viagra? Oh wait that's right, no penis!

Zommari: I'm leaving…

Allen: Go right ahead.

BOOM!

Allen: Oh, Captain Kuchiki! What a pleasant surprise!

Zommari: Oh crap.

Byakuya: You screwed with my pride! Die! SENBONZAKURA KAGEYOSHI!

Zommari: ARGGHHH! YOU BASTARD!

Allen: And I get to watch this for free. Kick ass.

Byakuya: You can watch all of our episodes on

Allen: I use that, and I sometimes also use

Byakuya: Excuse me for a moment. DIE!

Zommari: GHKKKARGH!

Byakuya: That's a load off my chest.

Allen: Never gonna screw with Captain Kuchiki..

Byakuya: Did you say something?

Allen: Nope, nothing!


End file.
